When relationships crack, it’s rarely about love. It’s almost always about misaligned values.
You can crave each other. You can swear you're meant to be. But if you're not aligned on what truly matters—what you’re building toward, what you’re willing to sacrifice for, and what you believe makes a life worth living—that relationship will grind.
That’s where the Core 12 Life Values come in. They aren’t just a checklist for compatibility. They’re the blueprint for clarity. They help you strip away illusions and get painfully honest about what you need, what you offer, and what you can no longer pretend doesn’t matter.
Because when two people come together, it’s not just about shared feelings—it’s about shared direction.
✅ The Core 12 Life Values (Relationship-Focused Edition)
- Security
What it means: Do we create emotional safety for each other? Do we build financial stability, routine, reliability?
What to ask: Can I depend on this person when life gets hard? - Adventure
What it means: Do we push each other into growth? New experiences? Uncharted life paths?
What to ask: Do we stagnate or do we evolve together? - Autonomy
What it means: Can we both maintain our individual identities without losing the relationship?
What to ask: Can I be me while being with you? - Family
What it means: Do we want children? Do we treat each other’s people with care? Are we building a unit?
What to ask: Do our ideas of “family” align—or collide? - Legacy
What it means: Are we building something lasting—whether it’s a home, a mission, or a shared impact?
What to ask: Will our life together mean something beyond just comfort? - Growth
What it means: Are we both committed to evolving—emotionally, mentally, spiritually?
What to ask: Can we call each other up, not just out? - Love
What it means: Is there intimacy, affection, loyalty, and presence?
What to ask: Do I feel deeply seen and prioritized? - Wisdom
What it means: Do we reflect, learn from mistakes, seek understanding—not just to win, but to grow?
What to ask: Are we wise enough to not destroy something just because it gets hard? - Service
What it means: Do we serve each other without scorekeeping? Do we serve something bigger than us?
What to ask: Are we selfish or sacrificial? - Faith
What it means: Do we share a spiritual language or purpose? Can we respect differences in belief?
What to ask: Is there a greater force guiding our choices—or are we just winging it? - Creativity
What it means: Do we bring beauty, innovation, or expression into our relationship?
What to ask: Do we create—or just consume? - Justice
What it means: Do we live with integrity? Do we stand up for truth—even when it's inconvenient?
What to ask: Can I trust this person to do what’s right, not just what’s easy?
🔍 How to Map Your Values (Individually & As a Couple)
Step 1: Rate Each Value from 1–5
- 1 = not important
- 5 = absolutely core to who I am
Step 2: Your Partner Does the Same
Then you compare. The goal isn’t perfect alignment, it’s clarity.
Step 3: Highlight Mismatches
Any value where one of you ranks it 5 and the other ranks it 1 or 2? That’s a pressure point. You don’t have to break over it—but you must talk about it.
Step 4: Identify Your Shared Top 3
These are the values you build the relationship on. Every major decision—kids, career moves, living arrangements—gets filtered through those.
This process isn’t just about relationships—it’s about integrity. Because if you’re not living by your real values, you’re either living by someone else’s—or by fear.
Want a visual worksheet or guided tool for this? Just say the word.
Clarity isn’t cruel. It’s necessary.
— Clarity Doctrine — The Unpretty Truth